There are some days when only weeding can soothe a tangled mind

8 May

No one likes seeing their ‘team’ lose but when it comes to Labour supporters, waking up to another five years of David Cameron’s Tory Government, it’s about much more than just not wanting to back the losing side. Many of us are now fearful that our beloved NHS will no longer exist in it’s current form by 2020 and for those of us who work in the public sector the prospect of £12 billion of Tory cuts could mean redundancy, homelessness, upheaval and de-skilling. When you consider the part of the public sector I work in (Local Authority Adult Education that serves huge immigrant populations in London – no budget ring fencing for us I can assure you) you can see why for me, the personal is political.

I have an undeserved hangover (I drank 1 beer for goodness sake) and I am hugely sleep deprived. I have a to do list so long it makes me shake to contemplate it – new courses starting next week and I am nowhere near prepared for them. And to add to this sense of gloom I accompanied my oldest on a school trip to a church (for an atheist like me, life doesn’t get much worse – facing the church and the tories in one and the same day!)

Yet even though the political picture today has been so utterly depressing and I feel like crap for all of the above reasons I felt I was able to calm my mind by a trip to the plot.

Pulling up some weeds is quite far down my mammoth list of things to do but I felt like my very essence was crying out for some peace and quiet reflection.

Loss comes in waves – there’s denial, disbelief, anger and, the stage I am now at – resignation, sinking over me like a dark black cloud.

Escaping to the plot couldn’t change anything but it reminded me of when I went there after my granny’s funeral nearly two years ago to the day. It seemed crazy then digging in my funeral get up but afterwards I felt closer to her and to acceptance that she was no longer with us. And the same thing happened today – I dug my way out of the anger and the disbelief. Anger at the right wing press and the British public, disbelief that so many voted for more painful austerity and it was a result none of us had contemplated – a Conservative government without the Lib Dems slightly tempering their neo-con desires.

2015-05-08 12.32.00

My broad beans so far have been the only beneficiary of the Tory victory.

I weeded my broad beans. It was a mere drop in the ocean but it gave me a small sense of accomplishment which lifted my spirits a tad. As I weeded I contemplated a few reasons to be cheerful – yes the obvious ones (bye bye Farage and George Galloway, Lynn Featherstone, Danny Alexander and even poor old toxic much hated Ed Balls – Labour can only benefit from that defeat). But there are also less obvious reasons to be cheerful too. We lost the election but something quite amazing happened – people said enough of the status quo, enough of the two party stitch up, let’s try something different. Yes I wish it had happened at any other election than this one but it has happened. The first past the post system is looking more defective and unfair than ever, surely Nick Clegg’s last regret must be not pushing for voting reform while he had the one and only real chance his party will ever have. And the final reason to be cheerful: the old guard of Labour are doing the decent thing, stepping aside and making way for new talent. I have said it before but surely Chukka Umuna can take the party to heights not reached for a generation? Here’s hoping.

Once I had weeded I decided I needed to go home and face the preparation needed to ready myself for next week. I can blame the tories for many sins but letting their election victory derail my next two Mindfulness Courses would be fool hardy.

Off I plodded, not feeling much lighter but glad at least the plot had soothed my head. As I arrived home the redundant and once optimistic Labour sign my hubby removed from our front garden at 7am reminded me there will plenty of time for my existential crisis over the ensuing years of this government but right now I need to sort my stuff out.

2015-05-08 12.32.23

An inspiring flower, no idea what it is but it made me smile.

2015-05-08 12.52.56

My poor redundant sign!


One Response to “There are some days when only weeding can soothe a tangled mind”

  1. gillridge May 9, 2015 at 4:50 pm #

    Great post my love! xx

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